- cln -

2008-06-26T02:35:00.001+08:00

head to WWW.CLNTOPIA.WORDPRESS.COM instead!!!!

40th

2008-03-17T20:05:00.002+08:00

i realised im so fucking drained. sad to say, i missed my long hrs of slp. days when u can juz slp ur ass off till evening time.

dinner's with gang was changed to supper instead. hong kong cafe again. lol. we juz cant get enuff of it. wahhah. now im stranded at home not knowing wad to do and feeling vexed. msgs frm tis someone is not helping too.

i tink im goin to breakdown soon. time management doesnt seem to help. here i'm being fucking stress up by jobs and politics frm the company and on the other hand, i need to cope on hoaxing pple, meet ups, spend time with frens and wad-so-ever for my social life. my life's packed. and i hv been neglecting my family and my sports. m i being too used of being alone that i find excuses for myself? sometimes, i really hv this feeling of stop bothering. mayb a long term MIA wld be gd. running back to my own little world and juz get away from this fucked up life. yet, its juz such a coward thing to do.

my apologises for the words use of this post. its jus tat dear cln is not in the mood tdy. wahhaha. alright. stopping here. dinner's home and ltr for supper. =)

39th

2008-03-13T21:55:00.000+08:00

im so so so so darn broke this month. lucky wk been improving and ot are being offered again. seriously need to chiong ot but i cant find the time to do. aikzzzz. for money or for time? wads ur choice? 2 more wks till pay day and yes!!!! PAY INCREMENT for dear cln. wahahhaha. still im broke... *shrugs*

weather haven been gd these few days. did it spoilt anyone's day? it din for me. but the rain tat drop, makes the heart to miss tat particular person even more.

so tmr finally came. the first offical "date".
hearts felt pounding and butterfiles feelings.
m i over excited? i guess so.
tots been running wild.
will it be gd or will it be juz another day?
yet it doesnt matter.
for as long as i'm with you. =)

sitting right here, yet the hearts ponders.
upon the person dear to my heart.
is it good or is it bad?
we shall see and you shall guess.

38th

2008-03-10T04:37:00.010+08:00

wad a day!

being accused over some wk tat was not done by me. aikz. veri cham. damn freaking angry. but den again. tat's life. you juz get shet anyday, anywhere and anyhow.

things happen as days goes by. none can predict wad will happen nx. i'm living to my fullest. r u?

i see the clouds are clearing soon.
yet it doesnt matter anymore.
as long as im happy.
so, soon it shall be.
rite darling? =)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG:

I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And the hearts all over the world tonight
Said the hearts all over the world tonight

I need you boo (oh)
I gotta see you boo (hey)
And the hearts all over the world tonight
Said the hearts all over the world tonight

Hey, little mama
Ooh, you're a stunner
Hot, little figure
Yes, you're a winner
And I'm so glad to be yours
You're a class all your own
And.

Oh, little cutie
When, you talk to me
I swear, the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart
And I'm so glad that you are mine
You are one of a kind and.

You mean to me
What I mean to you and
Together baby
There is nothing we won't do
cause if I got you
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl, you're my all
And.

Oh!
I'm into you
And girl
No one else would do
cause with every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
Wat I feel when I'm

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you

Girl.

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you

Oh girl!
I don't want nobody else
Without you
there's no one left there
You're like Jordans on Saturday
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now

Hey! Little shawty
Say you care for me
You know I care for you
You know that I'll be true
You know that I won't lie
You know that I would try
To be your everything
yeah.

cause if I got you
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl, you're my all
And.

Oh!
I'm into you
And girl
No one else would do
cause with every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only on
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
Wat I feel when I'm

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you

Oh.

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you
Yeah Heh.

And I
Will never try to deny
That you're my whole life
cause if you ever let me go
I would die
So I won't front
I don't need another woman
I just need your all and nothin
cause if I got that
Then I'll be straight
Baby, you're the best part of my day

I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And the hearts all over the world tonight
Said the hearts all over the world tonight

Woo Oh. Yeah

They need it boo (they need it)
They gotta see their boo
Said the hearts all over the world tonight (world tonight)
Hearts all over the world tonight (world tonight)

Oh! (Oh)
I'm into you (I'm into you baby)
And girl
No one else would do
cause with every kiss (every kiss) and every hug (every hug)
You make me (you make me) fall in love
And now I (I) know I can't be the only one (cant be the only one)
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight (world tonight)
With the love of they life who feel (who feel)
Wat I feel (feel) when I'm

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you

Girl.

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you

Oh.

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you

With you.

(Only with you)
With you
With you
With you
With you
With you

hey yeah.

====================================================

if i give you my soul,
wad will you do?
will you love me forever,
or just one more day?

37th

2008-03-01T21:08:00.005+08:00

会呼吸的痛

在东京铁塔
第一次眺望
看灯火模仿
坠落的星光

我终於到达
但却更悲伤
一个人完成
我们的梦想

你总说时间还很多
你可以等我
以前我不懂得
未必明天就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛
连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

没看你脸上
张扬过哀伤
那是种多么
寂寞的倔强

你拆了城墙
让我去流浪
在原地等我
把自己捆绑

你没说你也会软弱
需要依赖我
我就装不晓得
自由移动自我地过

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛
连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了
多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了
灵魂像飘浮着
你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候
陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳
怕心被人触碰
你回来那就好了
能重来那就好了

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wad's holding me back........!!!!!!!!!!!
i really need some ans..
so stressed. i cant take it anymore.

wo hen xiang ta, ta zhi dao.
ke shi ta bu zhi dao wo yao de shi shen me.
er wo ye bo xiang rang ta zhi dao wo de li you.
ying wei wo zhi dao wo hui shang hai ta.

36th

2008-03-01T01:31:00.000+08:00

i so wanna blog all of this down but fucking hell. dere's no way to lock tis post on blogspot. tinking of changing to wordpress soon. wahahaha. den ill join darling in her wordpress world.

simple to put it.
its been a day and many things happened.
for the worst or the better.
no one knows.
lost yet happy!!!

35th

2008-02-27T02:33:00.005+08:00

i opened my mail and dere it was. a map of the restuarant on 28th. ed's such a dear. he knew ill holland. whaha. tks yupp. i hope it'll help. whahah.

ill be goin for a stupid yoga lesson on 28th. something for my back i guess. den it'll dinner at some seafood rest with my batch gang. hoping onto 29th will be singing session. which is so not confirm. lol. so updates might be up up soon. =)

work's been better tdy. tink i need to buck up a little. kinda feel like im starting to slack and din put as much effort in it alrdy. aikz. bad bad.

i wont be tat free nx wk guys. pack for tat someone. i dun wanna see someone camp at my workplace. scary. lol. but zhu zhu. we can club on the 5th or 6th. =)

msges been up
mind games been played
flirts been flying around
things been progressing fast
yet...
the heart lingers for the other?
m i? do i? or izzit juz a lame excuse?

why was it always pple who'r attached.
why the fuck cant i find someone who's single!!!!
wad's the prob with me?
lost hopes in attached pple. juz a tot. lol.
im happy. =)

34th

2008-02-26T04:20:00.003+08:00

WHEN IT COMES, IT COMES.

how i truely believe these words.
izzit blooming or izzit another hallucination.
i do not know.
juz goin by the flow.....

my body aches frm wakeboarding are healing. shld be alright in these two days. but darling voice is still veri horrible. not sexy at all. wahhah. oh oh. "darling, no worries yupp. u still hv me. forget bout those who aint worth ur time. =)"

work haven been smooth these days. hoping for the better.

time was spent.
date had been set.
awaiting for something to spark.
yet.... im uncertain....
tis particular person which i still cared.
y m i hesitating?

33rd

2008-02-22T19:50:00.005+08:00

alright alright. everyone hold up. wahahha. we r so gonna blog bout wakeboarding. its such an additive sport. u can play, tan and excerise juz by doin tis sport. keke. the experience is damn wonderful. love it man. gonna go another time during march. yupp yupp. so confirm outings for march will b blading and WAKEBOARDING!!!

pple. u all shld try it man. it will be a great achievement to stand up rite and wakeboard i tell u even after many tries and drinking many mouthful of salty dirty sea water. haha. but its tiring. every part of ur muscle will be used. esp the hands, legs and abs area. so dere were the instrutor cum boatman, thomas - the master wakeboarder who can do 360 flips, johnny - second master who can jumps waves, andy - apprentice wakeboarder who's learning to jump waves and the two green kuku - darling poon and me. wahahah. i was able to wakeboard with one hand okays! wahah. muz hao lian. and i tell u. the experience of riding the wave. wooohooo. shiok!

keke. we had so much fun. yet due to ku ku cln, who still dunno how to upload pics on her blogs, pls head to friendster for it. if not visit darling poon bloggie. wahahha. lucky movie was cancelled. we were too shag and most probably end up slping during the movie. haha. okays! i tink ill cont ltr tonight or tmr ba. im too drained and burned, but i got my tan. yayness!!!! wahahha. alright. gtg get my rest liao. nitey pple. and the blockage at my right ear is hurting like mad. argh! im deaf! oh darling. lets try to learn as much and follow thomas to the cable ski soon. *anticipating for tat day* =)

sitting on the comp chair yet hving the after effect of wakeboarding and the waves. im dizzy-ly in love with it. =)
wish you were here

32th

2008-02-22T02:57:00.007+08:00

its coming to 3 am. yet im still awake. cldnt get to slp. mayb dere's too much up my mind. i dunno. all i know was i need to get up at 8 plus, meet darling den head down to thomas hse n lastly to ponggol marina for our wakeboarding lesson. i wonder how we'll fair with our lesson. haha. hope it wont turn out veri bad. i still haven decide wad to wear for tmr. ahhhh... lol.

im super hot tonight. hot as in burning steming hot. those goin to explode kind u know. haha. due to some incident at work. but im alright now. its over. =) nothing impt to jot it down. in a few more days, new yr gonna be over. and i can count the ka-chings in my hong baos. whahah. i really need the extra cash tis month. tight tight. =(

i dunnoe wad to type anymore. mayb ill juz head to slp and count my bah bah. wahahah. oh. my singing session is confirmed. yay!!! finally sia. been wanting to sing for quite awhile le but cldnt find anyone. so yupp. its set on the 29th with my collegues. haha. im no fantastic singer like my wifey or alicia or who-so-ever but who cares. i juz wanna sing. lalala. actually i dun like my voice. its not veri low and not high at all. like wth. i cant singing a cha bo songs lar. cuz they are too high. BOO!!! hack sia. i love jay'ssssss. wahahha. cuz i can juz mumble pass the chn words tat i dunnoe how to read. kekek.

as i was typing. guang liang's "di yi ci" played. it reminded me tat the first memories will always be the fondest. haha. its really true. like how our first encounter was. its amazing. haha. silly. nvm. alright. gtg. nitey.

i felt so much unision with tis song tdy:
Jay's 開不了口

才離開沒多久就開始
擔心今天的妳過得好不好
整個畫面是妳
想妳想的睡不著

嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣
還有在妳身上香香的味道
我的快樂是妳
想妳想的都會笑

沒有妳在我有多難熬 (沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱)
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱 (沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬)

穿過雲層
我試著努力向妳奔跑
愛才送到妳卻已在別人懷抱

就是開不了口讓她知道
我一定會呵護著妳也逗妳笑
妳對我有多重要
我後悔沒讓妳知道
安靜的聽妳撒嬌
看妳睡著
一直到老

就是開不了口讓她知道
就是那麼簡單幾句我辦不到
整顆心懸在半空我只能夠遠遠看著
這些我都做得到但那個人已經不是我

i dunno wad i shld do anymore. everything seem so impossible.

31st

2008-02-21T02:43:00.004+08:00

its been a stressful day. both at work n in life. talking bout work. it wasnt hectic yet i only manage to finish work at the last min. y izzit so? cuz my tooth pattern kept failing. aikz. still cant grasp the formula for the sagb tooth pattern sia. tired 5 times sia. in the end we decided to use back the closest result. the whole things was not bout trying but its veri demoralising. i almost gave up. seriouly i'm starting to doubt myself again. i dunno if i can really handle the stress tat im goin to face later in the time. juggling btw life and work really sux. yet im no quiter. ill continue to strive. always reminding myself not to rush things. im juz to hasty and sometimes it spoilts everything. "patient my child" wahahha. anyhow, tks for the guys in the module for helping out. if not for them i tink ill b stuck at the company working overnight. wahahha.

so yupp. its been a quiet night. still deciding on wad to do after tis. watch movies on mio-tv, watch anime/movie on the net, read my book, etc. i haven finish watching my coffee prince. arrr. so many things done half-a-way. my fatal seduction still hanging thou. half way through bk 2. my csi still stuck at last epi of season 4. only my anime series are the most updated de. wahaha. bleach. i love it. oh oh. and talking bout half way. n bike lesson... arghhhhh! tis lasy shet. still stuck at prac 2 sia. i really wonder when ill start goin again. aikz. mayb nx wk ba. when outings with darling will subside alittle. need to fill up all of my free time. den i wont tink too much. keke.

oh. one more day till wakeboarding lesson. it gonna cost. 100+ bucks per hr i tell u. WAAAAAA!!! lol. and we goin for like 5 hrs and bout 5 pple will be dere. so i guess each of us hv to still pay around 100+ bucks... WAAAAA! but i tink it'll b worth it. a experience not to be missed. gonna tke many pics. =) was planning to head for a movie after tat but i tink it will b cancel due to our tired bodies ba. wahahha. another time den. i wonder if ill b tanned after the session. i really hope so. keke.

alright alright. im drained. gonna go do wad i hd been assigned to do at work first and relax my tiny weeny brain later. tata guys. till tmr. miss me den. wahah. =)

30th

2008-02-18T21:09:00.006+08:00

went for the ground breaking ceremony during work time. my company's expanding. whahah. i tell u. tat ceremony is a torture. not only muz we stand for around 2 hrs, we muz oso withstand the scorching sun. plus somemore i'm damn shag due to ytd blading. dear cln is beat man. haha! one thing gd. at least i got a little tan. keke! oh oh. before i forgot. i hv to give tks to yunsi. for the msges tat accompany me throughout the horrible time under the scorching sun. thou its only a few but its enuff. xie xie le. it helps alot. =)

supper tmr anyone? simpang bedok. wahhaha. im craving for cheese prata. lalala!

hmmm. nothing new to blog leh. juz wanna say im happy up to now. thou i may be a little confused on wad i wan on my love life but im getting used to it. always looking towards tmr and hope it'll be better den tdy. yet, im scared. afraid tat i may cross the line and lost it all. reminding myself tat i hv to tke things slowly. and not let myself rush into things. i seriouly dunno if i cld withstand another blow. but ill b strong. haha! im being pesmistic again. keke! okay lar. off track liao. need to go slp soon. nitey pple. =) oh oh. and listen to luo zhi xiang "fang dao shuo". veri nice but sad song. the lyrics are as follows:

说穿了不是什么大事情
说穿了不过自己去看电影
说穿了只是睡醒看不到你
你放心离去我不要紧

为什么莫名有种矛盾的情绪
给了你祝福又盼望你回心转意
他给的幸福你从笑容就能说明
我还凭什么关心怎么你不抗拒

感情没有防盗锁
爱走不到尽头
不后悔付出过
各自回家的路
试着不再难过

变得成熟
是我能安慰自己
唯一的收获
就离开我别回过头
不要用从前看以后

我猜是我的错
爱怎么被偷走
那只是个感受
如果离开是爱你最后的承诺

多年以后
偶尔记得那疯狂不成熟的我
不说穿了不要结果

*不伪装了我的难过

29th

2008-02-18T00:23:00.003+08:00

A wonderful off and rest day (16th, 17th) filled with pics. 16th was spent hse hoping at my batch hse. frm darling poon, terry, mine to zhi wei's. a hearty day with additional ka-chings. wahhah. headed down to my 75 cents gf place after tat. went to bai nian and oso to bring her down to bai nian at my place. went to the shell hand car wash before heading to my place. u guys muz see how my 75 cents gf "sua gu" expressions. haha! all the wa and woo. keke.

ltr in the night, my crew colleague visited for a small get tgt. they left at around 12+ so dear super tired cln went str ahead to slp w/o changing nor bath. wahha. im too shag alrdy. haha!

so our blading session had successfully happened. all of us had our fall and followed by laughter. heh! dinner's at hong kong cafe again. cant get enuff of it sia. wahah. and guess wad. i hollanded AGAIN. wahahhahaha. as usual. den was home swt home. =) and im too tired to cont. hving a bad migrane and dere's work tmr.

so nitey guys. off to slp. =)

28th

2008-02-15T04:20:00.010+08:00

well. went clubbing on 13th. last outing wif bl and so we happily head down to clark quay. went to the arena first. nice place to chill but din get to dance much as dere were a live band dere. den to gotham(which i kept pronoun-ing it as go-ham. lol.) its freaking pack with ang mohs cuz of the foreign youth club thingy goin on and dere goes dancing again. bl's drunk soon and off we go heading home. some of us were disappointed but its okay. dere's another time.
im happy. thrill to be exact. with the oncoming msges. =)

and its v'day. took off on tis special day. yet its not for a date. haha. was for bl as i'd mention. so went for a lunch wif a fren. somewhere we went. silent and nice. manage to catch something on the way home and den some secret mission came into mind. heh. was waiting for the gang to arrive at home to head down tgt to e airport. tks to gd mood bro who reluctantly lend his car to us. muackz for tat. keke. hmmm. airport. wad can i say. it was filled with mixed feelings. happy for bl for advancing in her studies yet sad tat we gonna wait for her return. tears were rolling when she's departing. for us, we fighted it at the brim. we shld b happy for her yet tat feeling we had... its just so difficult to put into words.
be back soon bl. we'll be waiting and till june. for now, we'll let the memories and pics remind us of u. *missing you as days passed* =)

after tat we headed to T3. touring of T3 made us feel like tourists. haha. its big i tell u. went into a shop to get slippers. got two. got a couple slipper wif 75 cents gf (zhu) (and if u guys wonder y we keep changing our names, tat's becuz our value kept changin as the days passed. haha.) she got a pink and mine's blue. the other one was a green slipper. i love tat. and it remind me of wad darling poon told me once ("learn to love green more." haha.) oh. not forgetting rin's(miss C) got a slipper to. cant describe but will put it on friendster soon. =) dinner's at hong kong cafe after tat. the food dere is super best i tell u. tks to miss cln recommedation of tat place and mud mud recommendation of the food. wahah. shall go dere for dinner again on 17th. its blading day again. east coast, im coming. but its sunday and it'll be damn packed. *shugs*

Mr. B's heading to isreal again tmr(i mean tdy). cant send him off cuz of work. aikz. its another 3 more months till i see him for gd. faster come back u hear me. if not im flying to isreal to smack ur ass and punch ur washboard abs. wahaha. two impt person gone in two days. haiz.

missing the days we spent tgt. i wan to wish all of us to be happy and loved.
多想要记住这一分钟.
不是个浪漫的家伙
却甘心为你

27th

2008-02-12T18:14:00.000+08:00

im back!!! from malaysia ytd. haha! missed me guys? went to work tdy. damn tired i tell u. body haven recover frm the trip yet. and my face. argh!!! pimple outbreak due to lack of slp and heaty food. im so ugly now. how how. hope tmr will be better ba. =)

tdy its gift giving day. got gifts frm malaysia for me colleagues. and den its kan cheong time. the heart goes -pik pok pik pok- damn fast. feeling of face turning red and avoiding stares. i'd been called a 'dear' tdy. im flying!! haha! guess u guys must be wondering wad izzit. gonna hush hush on it though. keke. oh and darling. ur gifts still in my locker. come to work tmr and get ur gifts. haha.

lets start planning on our blading session, movie session (watch jay's movie), ktv session and heart beating session for me. wahahaha~

been into fatal seductions nowadays. im half-a-way thru bk 2. the story is still nice thou its my second time reading it. haha. i wanna go hse hoping soon. my ringgits are not enuff. who wanna open their hse for me. faster tell me. ill make time. wahha. ka-chings ka-chings.

tmr's clubbing day for the gang. its gonna be our last till a later time. but we gonna enjoy it no matter wad. =) 13th feb. V'day eve. hv u guys prepared anything for anyone? i had. given gifts for my darling last wk alrdy. and dere's another one. shld i give? hesitation is inside me. hardly know wad to do. everything seems so mixed up. den its doesnt matter anymore...

lalala~ bl bl. im gonna miss you. alright. im off course liao. gonna go get myself a nap. tata. =)
add me on friendster u gu gu. check my profile den nv add. make me happy for nothing. *^*&#Q%$

26th

2008-02-08T01:25:00.000+08:00

hi guys. im in malaysia alrdy. keke. @ my uncle's lan shop now. sitting on the admin chair and typing away sia. like im the boss of the lan shop. nice feeling. haha.

how's the new yr guys? mine's been boring yet exciting. haha. at least i gonna play with those bangs-bangs. coming back on the 10th. and den its gonna be hse hopping soon. ka-ching ka-chings. *money rolls* and soon my long await blading seesion number 2,. hee. i like~~ whaha. gonna start our dota power ltr with my cousins. now im "looking" after the shop. whose the boss??? lol.

Here wishing u guys a very happy Lunar New Year. may tis yr be gd and filled with many ka-chings. wahahha. okays! signing off. tata. 4 more days till seeing. =)

im happy.

25th

2008-02-04T21:17:00.000+08:00

What Cindy Ng Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.
You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

saw it on miss peany blog. so i tried. some part of it were quite true. =) try it guys.

Im heading to malaysia tmr pple. gonna miss all of u. i still need to meet up with calven to get his psp. tat's my life saver during the whole trip down man. been reading back on older posts. it was quite heart breaking to realise how i was last yr. all the sadness like i'd been walking in circles. while reading thru, Craig David's "Walking Away" was on. and yes. im walking away. out of '07 life. i need to go. finding my own happiness even if im all alone. all and all of tis is enuff. '08. i'd been looking forward to it and its been gd till now. and im happy to say tat i'm glad to find a wonderful darling at my work place. w/o you and all the talks we hv had. i dunnoe where ill b. you make me realise wad a person i was and everything. my fear of letting a person walk into my life. you were dere, standing outside my wall, nv once tried to break in and nv steal anything away and yet, you knew almost everything bout me. i dun have to say much and you knew. i tried to hide all my stuffs but it nv escape ur eyes. i wanted to help you with ur probs but it always end up the other way round. sometimes it really scares me to know how much you knew bout me. yet im really glad. nv hv the courage to tell you i really appreciate having you as a fren. the one i cld really talk things out. "darling. thank you very much. all the things tat you did for me and other stuffs for the future. i cant promise forever, but may we stay like tis for as long as we can alright." now. dun give me tat gan dong face. =)

alright. dinner time. gtg. ill try to update at malaysia or tmr. oh. my auto roaming is on. so contact me if u wan. if not till 10th or 11th ba. and darling. im waiting for the gd news. wahhaha. bye bye.

24th

2008-02-03T04:41:00.000+08:00

seem like the audience wan some updates. lol. nah. im juz so feeling the mood to blog now. all juz becuz my once big fat ugly bro's back. whahaha.

n if u read carefully. its once. he's now fit and shuai i tell u. but still as nonsense. haha. 2 wks of no driving for miss cln n tat's y i din drive tdy. no driving makes cln a lazy bum who needs to wake up earier to get the bus. =( and i tell u. cab fares are freaking ex now. dere goes my ka-chings if i cant get up to work. *shrugs*

valentine's nearing. and tat's mean bye to u and off u go to aussie bao. wad a day to leave sing. but i'd got a whole day off juz for u. we'll b ur valentine. =) gonna miss u and clubbings tgt. *another shugs*

oh. and talking bout valentine. went shopping with darling poon ytd. and as usual. miss cln went around singapore again. lol. but it was a you-will-get-a-full stomach cramps outing. all the laughter and silly smiles. only you know wad's it bout. hehe.

2 more days till off i go visiting. hated the thots tat i had. the fear tat were pouring in. the fact tat i couldnt deny. all and all. im fighting back. leaving it all behind. its a gd yr. at least i wan to make it so.

i'd been jumping topics. but who cares. read on.

a month plan to do sports and tan on feb. =) its time to move ur ass and hussle. off u go fats. keke. went blading last wk. was fun. and i fell. haha. realise that blading is not about how u enjoyed it while ur doin it but how u felt after taking off tat oh so heavy blades. haha! wont forget how yunsi and me reacted tgt. its the oh so common expression. lol. nx session will be on feb after im back. looking forward. and if you guys dunno who is yunsi den tat's too bad. haha. mistery mistery aye. haha. *crap*

oh. i wan to watch jay chou's movie. i need partners. i need many company. i cant find any cept my colleagues. *juz complaining here* lol.

i'd been label the "potato" in my company. i wonder why. im cheena lor. yet sometimes when i tink back. i do speak english alot. but only to some certain pple. like darling poon. haha! i wonder why. but im so not potato lar. wo ye ke yi jiang hua yu, wo bu shi "potato". haha.

actually i wanted to blog more but bro's back home from zouk. whinning for his lappy back to watch anime and disturbing me as i continue. so i shall stop and go to slp soon. its coming to 6am and dere's work tmr. oh ya. and he got me lots of t-shirts and choco's. choco's will be of gd use for valentine. wahaha. alright den. till den. off to my silly smiles. =) nitey peeps. miss ya all. muackz.

23rd

2008-01-10T03:31:00.000+08:00

Hi pple. haven hv the time to update my blog yet. juz a post to announce i'm still alive and kicking. whahaa. lunar new yrs are around the corner. r u guys prepare for it? alrighty. will update soon on xmas and new yr when i hv the time. cheers. =)

22th

2007-12-11T03:12:00.000+08:00

im so in love with the recent korean drama "Witch Yoo Hee". tat show made me giggle, laugh, cry and do silly things sia. and the casts were woo-hoo. missed a few epid of it due to work though but everything is okay now. dear mr terry is dl-ing the whole show for me. but dl speed's crawling man. move faster move faster. i wanna watch~~ keke.

its another hectic wk again. body's down with migraine a few days ago but everythings back to normal now after a 13hr sleep ytd. dun nag. dear cln's jus a pretty girl and pretty girl need beauty slp. wahhaha. cant wait for my off. finally gonna watch a movie. its "the golden compass". kinda kiddy kiddy magical kind of movie. my kind. haha! i juz love animals tat can talk. lol. nah. juz kidding. gonna do my shopping on wed too man. if not no time liao. den thurs it will be the meetig up. everyone will be sizzling hot. you know. like the ants in the pan. ssspppeeeehhhh. wahahah. and den fri will be my rest day after tis hectic wk. haha! and if ur wondering y cuz im on leave. ^^v

hmm. gor. i dunno wad handphone at state tat is gd leh. ah boh u juz get any1 for me lor. can play mp3, got camera, got bluetooth can liao. if dere's gps function will be a plus lar. oh. and when ur getting, check if sing's sim card can use anot leh. hehe. =) xie xie.

xmas due soon. do you feel the joyous vocation coming along? preparation are coming up and planning are along the way. wad will i be doin on the 24th? no plans yet. i wish to hv something. even if its jus wif the girls. but will they be free? this i do not know. im still missing tis person in my life. making tis occation somewhat had a double dose of loneliness. but you know wad i wan for xmas. yes you. the one tat made my heart smile once again. it mayb a wishful thinking yet forget doesnt seem to be in my dictionary. not tis and not even the previous. been runnin to and fro in tis. when can i stop? i nv know.

alrighty. ot's up tmr again. can you guys feel the ka-ching. wahahha. nitey pple. zooning.

" In my heart
I can no longer hold inside
All of the love i used to hide
I'll always be
With you until the very end "

21st

2007-12-07T00:44:00.000+08:00

tis my 21st post on tis blog. nthing special though. haha! i have been hooked onto CSI shows. tat's the cause of no updates. wahaha! been checking out phones and comps nowadays. saw a few phones i like but dunno which one to get. the ka-ching factor and its function. make a choice for me: apple iphone, nokia 8800 arte, N95 8GB or the LG KU990 Viewty. as for comps. i gave up hope. im really an idiot on comps man. haha! mayb ill wait till mr billy ng's back. guess i can wait for 3 more months or so. or mayb not? haha! hack! now back to the phone. iphone had sucky reviews which make me had second thoughts. 8800 is freaking nice but the ka-ching prob is a big factor and the functions are okay only. n95 8GB's not bad. dunno wad to comment on it only tat its gps is a double thumb up for me. lol. LG phone is okay too. functions are quite similar to iphone. only tat iphone look nicer. tink i prefer the 95 phone over lg's. haha!

i wonder why humans are all the same. we're always searching for new excitement to make our own little life go on, we assume, complaint over the slightest things and we tke each other for granted. we always expect the things given to be returned in the end. in life and in love. but tat's not it. you see. wad's given were made by ur own choice. no one pt a gun at you and demand you to do wadeva you did. so dun expect any return for it and be glad if you recieve any. life and love. its all the same. they have their own ups and downs, their own excitement and even their own stagnancy. dun expect much from it. living thru them as they were ur last day. in life, we're always trying to make the best of/for ourselves, a little selfishness will play in part but we nv forget tat we had frens and we nv expect any favours to be returned rite. jus as in love, no one will love another equally. its either you loved more or the other way round. yet the pt is, did you gave ur all?

some pple. they cld juz moved on like nothing had ever happened. were they cold-hearted? no. juz tat they had something worth moving on.
dere were pple like me. pple who tried to moved on but cant. nothing for them to moved on and memories kept haunting them. hv pity on them? no. they will eventually move on.
and den dere were pple who doesnt even wanna move on. they gave up, knowing tat nothing can be replaced. they can be the best or worse catergory a person can be in.
so which catergory are you? haha! im so random.

okay back to my life. 5th dec. 4 months passed juz like tat. i cld barely rmbr how you are the last time. the old you. the one tat i once loved dearly. parent asked. wad make the changes in you. frens asked. had i forgotten. i always replied wif a smile, "how cld i?". i cant forget how my tears will flow, toking bout it. avoiding questions asked even up to now. but im surprised i cld be so calm. xmas r around the corner. i can still rmbr how the first xmas was spent. the day i knew you loved me. and eventually the first new yr celebration and the nx. the champagne, hugs exchanged and the feeling of a family. how will i spend it tis year. without you? how can my heart (the size of my fist) be filled wif so much you. tot i cast it away yet i realised i juz had it put aside. please be HAPPY! dun let me regret giving you up.

i realised wad i lose after i lost. mayb tis is wad every person shld experience once. cuz it den teaches you to treasure. the previous and the nx. it teaches me so much. i cld say im quite a selfish person like most of the human on earth, thinking of themselves and neglecting their loved ones but im learning. im not the word kind of person so you'll seldom hear me say "hey. i love you." to frens and even loved ones. but i do realise i do little things for them. like how i still went to fetch dear mum even outing with her was cancelled and im seeing red. how i send her to the doc for a jab due to work stuff and had to make my way thru tat crappy small lane car park, almost hitting alot of cars and why the hell is dere so many cars on a thurs nite, juz to wait for her when i cld juz drop her off somewhere and ask her to make her own way home. they mayb small things to you but for me. its alot cuz dear cln is not a average patient girl. and my temper. haha! i guess u guys shld know ba. so yupp.

im tired. gonna work ltr. so nx time. tata guys. izzit enuff for u to read billy ng. wahhaa! i need time to do shopping for pressie. wad to get?? aaarrrhhh.

i wonder how you are. i didnt dare to contact you. better not to disturb. but i wanna say i'd got a present for you. only tat i dunno how to pass it to you. tinkin of the best way though. i know im stupid for typing it here cuz you dun even know my blog. haha! anyhow, i really hope you'll like it.

20th

2007-11-25T05:17:00.000+08:00

and so we tot we were suppose to juz go for a supper. yet end up goin home at around 7 in the morning. haha! frm simpang supper to east coast park. had mixed feelings when we were nearing ecp. i cld see ur hse. its so pretty from here. and i passed by on the way home. it was so near yet so far. anyhow, it was fun talking. so much were said. work, those things and N.S stufffs. haha! but wads best was the sunrise we caught. the orangy purple sky, juz like the rainbow i saw the other day i was driving. how i wish i cld catch it wif u. so i guess nx outing wif the batch shld be on xmas itself ba. need to get rdy gifts soon. will get the scarfs like i said. wahhaha. nah. rmbr guys. it will be an overnight thingy yupp. hehe!

and guess wad. i slept at 9am and woke up at 7pm. wahhaha! im so proud of myself. hehe. din went for prac 2. aiks. backache as i expected. hectic work the night before. but im happy. i proved myself tat i dun sux at work. something i can be proud of. =) been's nuaing at home since i woke up. tmr plan to johor wif my aunty been's cancelled. but shld be goin out ba.

many nice movies are out screening soon. hitman, fred claus, the golden compass, the tattoonist, the heartbreak kid (super sneaks de), good luck chuck and alvin the chipmunks. i dunno who to ask out and who wld wan to watch it wif me. aikz. pple seem to hv their own small plans ,and me, im always trying to find available pple to fulfill my own little plans.

i saw tis quote on tv tdy. find it quite meaningful. "zhen xi jing ri, yin wei ta shi ming tian de hui yi". tata guys. hv a fun wkend. =)

是谁的心啊
孤单的留下 (wo de)
他(ni)还好吗
我多想爱他(ni)
那永恒的泪
那一句话
也许可能蒸发

是谁的爱啊
又为谁降下
轻声呼唤
就让我融化
那一滴雨水
演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧

wo yi ran xiang zhe ni.

19th

2007-11-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

the smoke's been cleared. im down yet i felt relieved. at least i din regret wad i did. im happy i got an ans even if its not a really clear one. so yupp.

wads love? i do not know. it hurts time and time again, yet pple still wanna get near it. i fell too hard tis time. finding it hard to climb back up. my little pride's been hurt. the wall around me was torn. i wan to give everything up. i had enuff of love. wads wrong? was it me or was fate juz playing a prank on me? this, i do not know. im sick. so so sick and tired of trying and trying again. im not desperate, juz tat i dun wanna be lonely. i tot i cld always moved on and m a person who dare to love and hate. but i was wrong. im juz a person who's so darn afraid of being alone. i wan to run back to my little world yet i cldnt anymore. to be embrace wif love and juz love alone, when will the time come? i ponder.

gd news came frm miss peany. her wish came true. im so happy for her. not because ill get a big treat frm her but her long long dream's finally came true. how many times does a dream really came true. the ans is seldom. and if u were to see this miss pea, "do wad ur heart wans the most and dun regret. ur still young and the experience will definitely be a gd one. looking forward to seeing u and ur updates. =) "
lesson learned: for a dream/wish to come true, the only way to it is to be persistent. shld i?

was suppose to tke my prac 2 either ytd or tdy but lucky i din register yet. sat i hurt my arm, resulting in pain on sunday. so practically sunday was spent out wif my mum and aunty. and at my aunt's hse at night. finally i cld use the msn for a day. wahahah. and tdy. it was raining in the noon. no being a drenched duck for me. hehe. went for my first theory lesson. was okay but im hungry throughout. haha! din had dinner as usual. lalala. tmr's night is my second lesson. looking forwardto it and soon my theory test. =)
i wanna save up for my second hand bike. =) vroom vroom. keke.

so yupp. tat's all for now. till den. nitey.
for now. all i need to do i to lay low. till den, ill find myself again and i promised. one day, ill walk out of my door and find the one tat's had always been opened for me. one tat will be happy.
searching myself for an ans, yet i cldnt find any.

18th

2007-11-17T04:48:00.000+08:00

its 5am. and i cldnt get to slp. i had enuff. i dun wan to be hung around like a puppet anymore. the truth are all out tonight. i need to know something. anything. at least how u feel. i dun care being the 3rd party or wad so ever anymore. i cldnt control this overwhelming feeling anymore. its too much for me to bear. even if this were the last of us. im willing to sacrifice. even if the nx few days, or months or years were over by using tears to wash my face. i dun give a hack anymore. i know one day ill regret for doin this. making our friendship impossible, but i dun care. i want u now and really badly. AT LEAST TELL ME HOW U FEEL. tat's all i wan to know. im so tired of being sad and everything. all the sorrows tat had stayed for months. i wan to be happy. at least i know u make me happy. I JUZ WAN TO KNOW HOW U FEEL........ Am i wrong in doin tat..... i juz wan to love and be loved...... i love u, do u know tat? i cant be strong anymore. since tat day. i became vunerable...

mayb tdy will be the mark of a new day for cln. whether its gonna be a gd or bad one. it doesnt matter anymore. for i will know the truth. nothing but the truth.

"love is a simple thing. It’s either you love, or you don’t. You can try everything, almost everything to prevent yourself from loving, but it all boils down to this: Either you love, or you don’t" --> i tried everything, and i know this clearly. I love you, ..... .

17th

2007-11-15T20:30:00.000+08:00

i'm so easily distracted nowadays. my minds not concentrating and the only thing i think of is you. when im tightening the bolts, i tot of you. when im torque-ing the bolts, i tot of you. everything i do, i jus kept tinking of you. been getting cuts on my hands and legs, yet all i can tink of was juz you.

colleagues been talking bout my hair recently. lol. kinda like the attention. hehe.

i really wanna see u again. dere's so many things i wanna do. i cant pretend like nothing had happen anymore. how can i stop the pain tat's growing inch by inch each day.

tis song's for u:

看见你聊到了他而微笑
我心里那点遗憾不见了
你的最后选择是谁
忽然之间这个答案
已似乎不重要

我肩膀永远等著你依靠
但是我更不希望你受困
扰我把时间对摺一遍
从前未来唯一重叠
要你很幸福这心愿不动摇

只要你好就好
你好就好
其他的我不计较
就算我会烦恼
就算我会焦躁
就算我会被忘掉

你好就好
你好就好(要过得比我好)
我的爱没有句号
像过去那样做到
对你的付出坚持不肯少

wo xiang nian ni the xin qing, ni ke zhi dao?

16th

2007-11-14T21:21:00.000+08:00

went k-ing with kim and guys tdy. not veri happy through. mind were full of things poping up. i missed you. how i wish you were here. spending the moment with me and the few nice songs i hear frm u. alicia got a song and it hits jackpots. missing how well you sang tat song.

i'm tired. slept late ytd and still not used to work after a wk break. bloggin now to show im still alive while trying damn hard to use my msn. it really went bonkers liao. wad is comp w/o msn. arghh... and i cant install java on my comp. how to pay my credit card bill sia. ji dan man. oh. and stupid shet me. i accidentally delete ur msn contact. kaoz. how how???

i dun wanna continue liao. dinner's home. taking it and off to beauty land. lol. nitey pple. =)

yuan liang wo bu neng gei ni wo de quan bu. dan wo shui shi zai deng tai.

15th

2007-11-14T01:10:00.000+08:00

went super mad shopping wif my cousins ytd and tdy. super spending sia. bout 400 to 500 bucks gone in two days. OMG. my ot ka-ching oso not enuff sia. dieeee! and i tell u all. credit cards are a killer. lol. lucky im one who can still hold back. keke. almost dere man. aikz. im so so broke. but im happy!!! m i? wad the hack. lol. got alot of stuffs i wanted. hehe! nice nice. i likeeeee~

okays. i need to start my riding again. been slacking and finding excuses for it. jia you jia you. whahah. my theory lesson coming up too. on 19 and 20th. keke. muz rmbr to go sia. if not my ka-ching will b down the drain again. hehe.

alright. tat's all folks. cln to lala land now. byeeee.

i cant seem to suppress my feelings for you anymore. i know i promised, tats y im holding back. i really need to know how you feel bout me and i really wanna see me one more time. (crazy tots)

14th

2007-11-11T18:03:00.000+08:00

alright!! new updates!!! lol.

ed: im reporting im alive and still kicking. lol.

zhi wei: pai seh call wrong number ytd. lol. seriouly. i really dunno wad to add for the post on my bday liao. hehe. but i really enjoyed myself. =)

rin, bao, zhu: lets meet up soon yupp. and no more Pei Yong Jun lar! im Ng Yong Jun. wahahha.

okays. many things happen these few days. and if u pple dun know where i m. im on leave till tue. babysitting my cousin who came over frm malaysia. lol. yupp yupp. i know im so darn gd rite. wahahah.

actually dere's so much things on my mind but i cant seem to blog it down. its juz not seem my nature to made everything clear. yet i realise one true fact. tis yr sux for me. who can i blame and push the excuse too. i'd lost the most important person in my life, learned to get up and start all over again, yet i kept falling and failing. i learn not to be selfish and hurt other pple frm my other experience, yet i end up hurting myself. i only had myself to blame in the end. and pressure from work doesnt help at all. you know, its nv easy to pick up urself after a fall. and tis time, i really dunno if im able to stand up again.

"the night at the chalet was wonderful wif u. though the time spend were so short, it made me happy. really happy since months ago. i can still feel ur warm in my arms and ur gentleness. ur bites, ur everything kept flashing thru my mind. i cant seem to erase it. i always tot it was a crush but i was wrong.

ytd i realise how devoted *m was to u. i was so envy. how can someone still give so much when nothing was returned. it hits me. wad m i doin here feeling sad for myself? aint i goin to fight for u? so wad if everything is impossible. dere's always a way out. the car sit's still warm and pillow's still with ur scent. how can i give up all these. i decided. since i alrdy fall den make it a big fall den.

i still dunno how u really feel towards me but i'll b waiting. for tat day, we run into each other arms. i miss u. did u?"

im in love wif zhi guai wo by maia lee. if anyone found this song pls tell me. thank you. will upload the lyrics on my nx post.
i'm so in love with u. if u know who u are.

13th

2007-10-16T20:28:00.000+08:00

alright! i promised to blog bout my bday pt. so here i am. before tat guys. bear wif me for not updating regularly. hehe. m too tired cuz ot are up for takes and dear cln need the ka-ching ka-ching. hehe. =)

okays! so here are the updates.

05/10 - met up wif the gang at night after much discussion on where to meet and how to meet. and poor dear cln got lost in her car again and took 1 hr to reach the chalet. haha. the chalet was damn big i tell u. din really except it to be tat nice n big lar. love it to bits man. lol. MJ session till 4 and down to simpang for supper. cheese prata is dear cln all time supper fave. wahahah.

06/10 - the party's on tonight. lol. woke up at around 10 and off to get bbq food and last min deco. keke. got back at 1 plus and lunchie wif our da pao food. haha! den its off the mj session, deco the place and mj session again. pt's started at 6 plus. the party was a blast guys. tks for making it down and share tis special moments with urs truely. =) got myself many test drive. nice fast car. wahahha! oh! did i mention tat the party hit the climax only after 1 am. where the chivas met the vodka. whahah. pple were vomit, swearing and even acting like crazy. yet it was all fun man. *giggles* one mishap happened through. but im gonna hush on tis. :x will only b available to those tat were around and witness it. haha! so the day was spent are tired and wore out, yet loving every moment of it.

oh! i promise someone ill blog my present. so its as follows.
- 2 nike jacket
- 2 watches
- bag
- perfume
- many many gift vochers ^^
- one small and super big card
- something special

had my CAAS papers ytd and tdy. ytd was L11 and L12. 100% confirm fail. wahahha. cuz i din really study for it. lalalal~ dear cln is a lazy girl. keke. and tdy i had my B11 paper. hope i can pass. damn shack as you see cuz im goin off pt now. haha! my company cheap me of my 5 hrs time off cuz of the exam. ($&(^#!($^#*(! horrible shet!! okays! i tink i better stop. really gone liao. heading to bed soon cuz tmr dear cln gonna earn her extra ka-ching ka-ching again. =) tata~ nitey guys!!!

hv fun in hk. and rmbr my pressie! =_
cln is a gone case on love now.

12th

2007-10-03T01:42:00.000+08:00

im back to update. lol. been lost from the world again. haha! tat's the cindy u guys all know right. nothing new. =) alright alright. how shld i start. hmmm.

got a new tv for my rm few wks ago. old one broke down last month. lol.

passed my prac 1. so prac 2 lesson 1 here i come. but gonna wait till nx wk instead. hehe!

party's on tis coming sat. preparations are half-o-way dere. tks guys for offering to help. appreciate it. ^^ i wonder if it wld b a blast. tink it might not be but to some, it may act like a reunion party or something. =) at least i guess i'll be happy. for all the efforts u guys put in juz to come for the party and esp my parents for making it happen.
i wish for my bro to come. and you*. will you* turn up? i dunno and i can only hope.

OT hv finally been offered to me. YAY!!! been doin ot's lately. body's shacked yet i can still go on. am i torturing myself? haha! i guess doin ot is my only way out now.

i cant find the way to dl ktv songs... how???? no more singing at my chalet. waaaa. somebody help me. i wan to sing at my party. w/o ed stealing the mic. whahaha.

okays! its late. gonna slp and hopefully ot will b offered ltr. hehe! cya pple. nitey.
recently *you hd been in my dreams, i dunno the meaning but yet i feel tis pain deep in my heart, wishing *you hd nv leave. my life changed becuz of you*, shld i thank you or shld i not?
i love to be myself ...... finding the thing to life..... if only..... i cld..... i wld.....

11th

2007-09-13T14:48:00.000+08:00

been feeling very tired recently. not online, no update, no everything. feeling like a zombie.

meet up with the girls (it include you mud. lol) on tue. zhu zhu was back in singapore. pressie were recieved. =) so the night was spend wif the girls, from one place to another. first stop at amk hub mos burger. the place became so lively after we arrive. haha~ nx stop was my house w/o mud mud. i do realise tat my house gave pple the nua-ing effect. lol. and den off to zhu's hse for ripping off photos and stuffs and home swt home. home time was damn scary if you know wad i mean. lol.

the rest of the few days were as usual. nothing much cept ytd. i was PISSED. seriouly pisssed. by my trainer again. hehe. but im okay. anger exist for awhile only. nothing to be bothered about.

oh oh. and before i forgot again. my pt's being official. its on Oct 6th. at 40 pasir ris avenue. it very near fisherman village. if you know where izzit. lol. invites will be on nx wk i supose. tat's all guys. another time perhaps.

my body and mind aint one and i cant find the str to carry on. i wish someone wld be dere. at the end of the road.

10th

2007-09-08T17:51:00.000+08:00

back from prac lesson. tired and sore. god. and i failed (shld i say we failed. lol). like my colleagues told me. first two lesson are hard to pass and i exactly know why now. haha! anyhow. im not sad. juz a tiny bit pain on the money spend. keke! actually i tot i cld pass lar. cuz i tink im quite ok on the circuit but too bads. mayb its juz the stand part which i fail. i seriously cannot park a bike and get it down from the stand. wahhaha!! no str sia. freaking bike so heavy. -_- and i hurt my leg man. kick onto the metal bar beside the bike when mounting up the first time. now i hv a bum on my righty. *dread* gonna hush-hush bout it. if not my parents will be worried. hehe. to sum up all. it was fun. riding prac 1 lesson number 2. here i come. wahahha!

will be a short one tdy. damn shag liao. and im hungry. the toast juz now din help. *search for food* tata~

if *you* know i sill love *you*~

someone say you need to be broken to be whole again. but it doesnt seem tat way. im still broken yet i gave up on finding the reason. it seems better to leave things like tat. Am i juz trying to avoid this deep feeling? ba ai jian jian fang xia zhen de ke yi zou de geng yuan ma?

9th

2007-09-07T02:00:00.000+08:00

im a happy girl tdy~ cuz its recieving day.... heheheh.

first was *e who lend me that new bought bike helm (very nice and its silver). then a surprise was inside the helm bag. a pair of newly bought riding gloves juz for me. ^^ so touched can!!! keke! home time was lovely wife who finally brought the small little penguin contain (the one you can put water in) for me. yay!!! love it all... muack muack muackz.

oh. seriouly some pple are so weird. cant they juz dun ask questions and accept the fact. aikz. problematic sia. and home time tdy was thrilling. some uncle from my work place was trying to race wif me i suppose. driving very fast and slow down ahead of me. lol. so i practically drive slowly around 100km/hr and speed past him at every turning. lol. i juz love to drive fast while turning (gor, its all ur fault). keke~ must drive slowly from now. if not ill be so used to it and ride very fast too. haha craps~

i hurt my hand a few days ago. dunno how i hurt it though. juz hving pain internally lor. trainer said the cleaning solvent had sipped into my bone cuz i din use GLOVES. haha! took pics of my hand too (darling say its scary). at least its getting better now. =) juz hoping it wont affect me on my prac day. hehe!

and my darling. pls get ur blog comment up. if not i hv to comment it on my blog sia. this to you. i know i told you to juz heck care bout the 40+ uncle (whom i dunno). lol. but if you still feel weird. dere's no harm trying to talk to him first and then find a gd opportunity to talk bout tat incident. though ur not really at fault. its better to be the one who start the conversation first to show ur sincerity then be waiting for each other to talk bout it or not at all. its either tis or juz heck care lar!!! talk like tis matter nv happens before. yupp yupp. i hope it helps. =) oh. and dun forget im all ears for u. lol.

heading for wow now peeps. tata n nitey~

when r you* coming online? not anymore?

cindy is juz cindy. not someone you wan cindy to be. and she's happy tdy. =)

8th

2007-08-29T23:00:00.000+08:00

no more trying on putting pics up. i gave up. i cant get a single kuku pic loaded. i sux. lol.

oh! did i tell u guys i'll be offically a single child for 9 whole months from tdy onwards. yupp. guessed it correctly. my bro's off to isreal alrdy. how sad. and im loaded with many stuffs to clear. his credit cards payments, car servicing, petrol, blah blah blah. im overloaded. keke! mixed feeling the whole day. was it cuz another close to my heart is leaving. so many times my vision were blurry. i promised myself and i did it. im strong at least at tat time. no more pestering from him, asking me to play wow with him. no more supper at sempang bedok. and no more bickering on wow and simple things. realised w/o you, i seem like i lost my other half. half the enjoyment. i hope you'll be fine over dere my stupid bro. do tke care you hear me. i'll be missing you over here and praying for ur safety. and ya. it takes around one whole day to reach isreal cuz he's taking transit. tsk tsk.

my riding practical is on the 8th. ^^ hehe~ finally. but im doubting my ability again. no matter, ill do my very best. with support from my colleagues. i hope ill pass my riding. keke!

Im offically a technician tdy. =) Pass out photos were taken last wk but i cldnt load it. aikz. plus fugly pics of me during work. all cldnt be loaded. wonder y. will try again another time perhaps. and our ceremony will be held on the 19th at 11 if im not wrong. its my off day can. *grumbles* nvm. go dere eat all the food. whahaha.

i felt like a bait recently. danging on the fishing line waiting for my fish. yet dere's none but only another who's fishing tat attracts tis bait. i suppose miss poon will say dere are fishes around, only tat im too picky. haha~ i'm so obsess with jay's secrects lar. love the song and it really can make u cry lor. haha! here are the lyrics.

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面

拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面
在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变已错过的时间
你用你的指尖阻止我说再见
想象你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面

拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐 Woo~
回忆的画面
在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变已错过的时间
你用你的指尖阻止我说再见
想象你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们会遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片要
我怎么捡

why is it when i thot everything is impossible, you* changed my view again.

wo xiang wo ke yi yi ge ren shen hou, ke shi wo xiang yao you yi ge wo ke yi ran wo fu chu wo de ai de ren.

7th

2007-08-25T02:30:00.000+08:00

now my post wont be stuck at 20th aug.

teng yew ( i hope i spell his name correctly :p ) send me a link to Jay's secret. ty. ^^ caught a few mins of it and i decided to watch this movie by hook or by crook. carol poon. monday yupp. it wil be our date. wahahah~

talking bout movies. caught bourne ultimatum. was not a bad movie. only thing was abit lost at the start cuz its kinda link to the first two movie. and tiredness caught the better of me. haha! i dozed off halfway thru. though it only last for a few mins, tat was my first time. wahaha! wads amazing was i can still dream tat i was watching a movie. and i woke up. din catch any sleep the night before can. =)

dere are so many nice movie to watch now. hairspray, rush hour 3, contract lover, license to wed, poltergay, SECRETS and many more. lucky pay juz roll in. woohoo! but i need pple to watch with me. those interested pls tell me. hehe!

i realise my hand is getting more and more like a guy's. with all the cuts, bruises and veins poppin out. im becoming a man. ahhhhhh!!! must be cuz the guys always call me ah boy. no more tat name you hear me. mr old man, edmund and calven!!! and my hairs getting long. my fringe's covering my eyes. becoming the no eye monster again. keke. tat's y i had to clip up my hair during work. tink i gonna get some pics of it to show u guys how fugly i am with tat miss poon clip. =/ no offend miss poon, juz my looks.

been playing guang liang's - yue ding over and over again on the way home. it reminds me of the past. those many many beautiful memories i once had. and even the times when we* open and pour each other drinks. its not tat i cldnt get used to single life. single life is gd. the freedom, stuffs and no worries. it juz you and you alone. but sometimes i wonder how nice will it be if im somewhere with this certain someone right now. though being with another takes up your time, deprive you of your stuffs plus all the commitment and mixed feelings your gonna get, it spices up ur life. not tat i mean single cant, but it really feel nice to have someone who is able to share everything and even juz by being dere at your side. dere's this certain emptiness in me wanting to feel belonged. wanting to be able to hug someone again and feeling the love in us. denial of the fact tat im still holding on to all these past and putting on a front act.

okays! ending here. gonna finish off the secrets clip and off to finishing up my logbook. =) tat guys!
qing ji de wo diu ni shuo guo de yue ding.
wo xiang geng ni shuo " wo xiang zai kan dao ni. ke yi ma? "

sometime guys hv to learn to be a little more gentlemen. use ur initiative man. its not everyday tat one will remind you of wad you need to do. it doesnt hurt to spend a little of ur time to make sure the girl is safe.even if she's juz ur fren (and i mean purely fren). =/ so come on' and do wad u shld arldy.

6th

2007-08-20T02:03:00.000+08:00

blog blog. before i forgot wad to type like the last time. keke! cheated miss poon feelings. hmmm. first of all i wanna say my bro's trip been postphone to sep 3rd. haha! 2 more wk of gaming with him. yay!

stress felt everywhere at work. colleagues kept telling me tat i hv to put in more and more yapping bout this sort of stuffs. cuz you know why. im "passing out" soon. cannot slack, must show pple ur knowledge and blah blah blah. and i often hear this. "passing out in 2 more wks ar! show me ur standard." aikz. sound like i'm so lousy at work. but i beg to differ. i mean not everyone is as perfect. we sometimes may forget bout certain stuffs you know. anyhow, work life was okay. passing each day by itself and ever enjoying the ka-ching ka-ching day. haha~ and dere's this new tech in my module. he always freaking use phone to play games and talk but yet he dun get caught. you know why. cuz he always do it in front of me when no one but only me is around!!! haha! he's a da_mn slacker lar. always MIA. nvm bout him. lalala!

talking bout "passing out". there will only be 15 out of the 16 peeps who will "pass out". sad for tat guy. but mean to put it in tat way that he deserve it ba. everyone of us were expecting it. the way he work and his attitude is completely wrong lar. your working hello, not hving holidays in the company. -_-

oh anyway. if you guys are concern. im still kinda confused over everything. i dunnoe wad i wan anymore. was liking *c a way to make me forget *d? was it becuz the last time i cldn't get close to *c so i 'm trying my best now? am i still interested in *e? do i still love *d? all and all of these qns wld pop into my mind sometimes and yet i cldn't find an answer to it. all i know is dere will always be this special place in my heart for *d. for *e, it will nv happen unlesss i really wan to juz play around. then for *c. which its almost always *c and *c. i gave up. thinking is all i can do now. let everything start from square one again and be happy with who your with now. supposingly, i can juz be the guardian angel, taking care and looking out for everyone. making everything balance (juz like my horoscope). *craps*

alright!!! cont again ba. my game is calling me. and i yet to find which movie to watch on wed outing and a pressie for mummy on tue. where is the ka-ching ka-ching when u wan it. -_- i wanna watch secrets!!! boo!!! oh oh! and before i forget again. i know mr. billy ng is somewhere reading my blog secretly. *dun tink i dunno* haha! so for all those who had been reading all these secretly. feel free to tag yupp. and even if you dun, its okay. cuz im torturing u guys for reading all this craps. whahaha~ anyhow, tks for the concern. =) ciao~
i'll be happy as long as you* are. juz don't ignore me. cuz everytime you* did it, i felt so rejected. i juz wanna be friends. mayb a closer wan but no evil intension. i promise.

how can i stop this predilection towards these certain *pples!

5th

2007-08-15T00:28:00.000+08:00

my bro's back.... =) went to fetch him around 10 plus. no more being lonely at home for one day. gaga!

was suppose to go out tdy but den no shiet happen. aikz. anyway, i cant get up early too. slept late ytd. :x hehe~

*d came over to get some stuffs back in the evening. actually things were okay btw us alrdy. at least i tink so. though i still feel some awkardness frm *d sometimes. but anyhow. we're okay. and tis might be the last time i see *d again (hoping i'm wrong). sended *d home. the feeling was a little unbearable. but den again, i had gave all i could and this suppressed feelings for *d will hv to stay suppressed till i dunno when. haha~ and to *you: " *you know i'll always be dere, so if ever *you need me, i'm juz around the corner. juz open *your heart and i'll make sure i'll be dere to heal it up for *you. if *you juz let me to. =_ "

im lost for words now. anyway. do visit mud's tee link in my blog. its tee shirts done by my fren mud mud and his fren. saw the rest of the design, they r nice man. pls wait patiently for the rest of the design and do support yea. cuz tee's only goes for $29.90 per piece and its in white (for now). =)

tat's all folks. cln's goin to watch anime. wahaha. nitey.
why had i step into something i shouldn't. it's all your fault. I HATE YOU!

Doesn’t matter how long we live as long as we live with a smile on our face.
- cln - (riding here i come)

4th

2007-08-12T13:14:00.000+08:00

im so SHAG!!! lack of slp and pimples popping out juz becuz of zhu zhu. celebrated her 20th bday at cbl's godsis place, savannah condo. 2nd time at tat place and i feel so at home. guess all of us feel the same. keke~ many things were happening at the same time. like how we were playing monopoly and yet pple were either slping or drunk. haha~ chocos were seen everywhere toos! i suppose everyone had gained some weight. all in all, it was fun. *many two thumbs up* and zhu. i hope u enjoyed urself. *loves* =)

din stayed over on the first day. missed all the fun. the poor poor maid and nice food. awww. had to send bro to the airport. and he make me late for work again. for the second time. this bloody hell man. tell me we'll be heading to airport at 6 and yet he din got up until 6.15. *grumbles* and he haven even packed his luggages. #*%#$*@# i'm like speeding past PIE to airport at 130-140 km/hr lars. aikz. now at this time, he must be happily hugging his girlfrend slping. haha! *missed him*

now tat i'm home. i'm bored and lonely. =( parents were asleep, bro's rm was open and empty, comp's and fan's on, staring at the comp yet doesnt wanna play any game, busy typing, looking missing and yet still BORED and LONELY. argh. the last time my bro's not home, i at least have *d. now.... aikz. gotta get used to this soon man. nine months of missing you my fat stupid bro. keke! u better get me many many chewing gums. wahahah.

guys! be careful and tke gd care of urself this month. tdy is the first day of the "u know wad" month. *pray pray* alright! stopping here. my mind want me to slp now. cont tmr perhaps. oh! and pics for the celebration will be updated soon ( i hope). ^^v tata.
i'm so tired of waiting for ur* reply msg. i wish my mind would stop my heart.

cln's tired from everything esp the waiting, missing and forgetting. she needs a rest.

2

2007-08-09T19:22:00.000+08:00

hApPy NaTiOnAl dAy gUyS!!! and happy 21st bday lebon. =)

rotted the day at home again. spent my time with my parents. =) got a sofa for my dad's van. wahaha. it cost 100 bucks okays! like rip off sia. but i can enjoy myself on the van nx time. keke~

juz watched the parade. was better then the past few. the extra fireworks and performance done by the military was the best. keke. manoeuvre skills done by the police coast guard is kwel. din know tat kind of boat can manoeuvre like tat. and dere are those nice apaches. *drools* was expecting more planes though. =( where's the F-15 manz. and dere's LAMBO. super nice white lambo which doesnt fit the "gay" singer. (evil) lol. overall, its nice. at least i din got bored watching it. was actually singing along with the songs. :x keke~

gonna work tmr. *dread* the gd news is i'm gonna meet up with the gang after work. getting bbq stuffs for sat. celebration for zhu zhu 20th bday is coming along. hehe~ sat to come quickly. got so much to update n really misses them. =) i love cbl godsis's condo. very comfortable. can still rmbr the first time i spend the day dere. hehe!

gonna go pei my mum watch silent hill liao. my mum's always so brave bout this kind of movie. hehe! i like to watch horror show with her. at least she dun scare me. got to run. cya guys. tata.
its these kinda time when i wish everything could juz stop. turning my head a few times to watch the show and back to the comp screen waiting for ur* reply. not giving any thought to budge.

1

2007-08-08T21:03:00.000+08:00

tmr's is Singapore 42nd BDAY!!! Yayness! happy bday singapore.

din went out tdy. slept till 8PM. wow man. got up and was feeling sore all over. muz be cuz of ytd work. work was super duper hectic ytd. rushed thru and i broke a seal ring. GOSH. felt bad bout it. so yupp. here i am after my dinner. rotting in front of the comp again.

my trainer did ask me out for a drink juz now but i rejected. so sorry. body juz doesnt wanna go out. hee~ oh. and my trainer always ask me out for a drink or something but always got turn down by me. haha~ kinda bad but i juz feel kinda weird. i did promise him i'll join him a day after my bday. keke~

nobody jio me tmr. sobz. im free. any takers? hehe~ mayb i'll jio my parents out ba. since it been ages i went out with them. wanna do my part as a daugther. (muz be influence by *someone)

did i mention i'll be passing out soon. in bout three more weeks. YAY!!! a soon to be technician. extra pressure (boo!) and wads more pay 'INCREASE'. keke~ soon my riding lesson are coming. =) cant wait manz.

oh. typing bout riding. some of my frens were anticipating for a ride frm me, yet some disapprove of it. i juz hope they will wish me luck. i mean i know of the consequences of riding and stuffs but how many times do u live life? once. and i really dun wanna hv any regret nx time when im older. i juz wanna enjoy wad i hv and can now. to say it in a bad way. i would prefer hving a smile on when i die. ^^v

oh! ytd my company had confirmed the theme of our annual D&D. its "BACK TO SCHOOL". YAY! i'm gonna be dere no mater wad. nothing can stop me. haha. still deciding which uniform to wear. the chong boon uni or JI uni. aikz. but i know wad kind of image i'll be dressing as. the "ah lian" image. wahaha. n the venue is the hotel beside zouk. pt after tat man. *double dose of pt*

anyhow. things been okay. work was like usual but filled with some weirdos. keke~ dere were pple who tried to be so funny juz trying to know you, *transformer, *autobots (dunno how to spell) and definitely fun peeps. WERID!!! hehe~ social life were still okay ba. nothing to update. juz BORED~ lol. awaiting for sep to arrive.

tat's all for tdy ba. tata pple. *misses and hv a grt day tmr guys!!*
it seem like i had fallen once again. i dunno. i juz cant get *c out of my head. *missed you*

"dun judge me, i'm juz trying to be myself. "
- cln -

new blog

2007-08-07T05:46:00.000+08:00

finally i manage to get my new blog up. =) been ages since i blog. hmmm. how shld i start.
lets talk bout the past first den.

the past month had been a pain. the incident tat i saw with my own two eyes, the hurt, the crying, the giving up n wad so ever i had been through. i didnt know love could really hurt so much till den. would really wanna apologize to those who cared but yet i dun give a damn bout frens. im sorry for neglecting n everything. it juz tat its been very very hard on me. but no worries now alright. im getting better, trying my best to get back up, picking up bits n pieces of myself and to be whole again.

'07 had not been a gd year. many things happen and im like a victim of a spider being caught in its web.

first dere was *d. the one whom i loved so deeply and thought we could be together forever. everything i planned and all the effort i put in, it juz became a dream of ytd. i let go hoping *d would find happiness. cuz i know my love would only bring *d to this stage. all i could do now was holding onto the swt memorises tat i had and wishing for *d to be happy. and im glad *d had found happiness. i know i would nv forget *d but for now, ill juz be *d fren. =)

nx dere was *e. the one whom i had a crush on since sometimes ago. but it was a nv gonna happen relationship. cuz *e, if u guys dun know is married. the relationship btw us was "special" esp now. though the feeling was gd all along, i always wanted more. hoping *e could give me more than wad was given. but now things changed. m i losing interest in *e juz bcuz things btw us got alot better or was it bcuz all my attention had moved to *c. seriouly, i dun even know myself. m i juz a player? trying to play around so as to get my heart healed. i doubt so.

oh. n i was typin bout *c juz now. yupp. *c the third and the most recent one. the one whom i lost contacts a few yrs ago n juz got back to each other recently. its a long story btw *c and me. once a gd fren but we din know each other background until one day when we found out, it was too too late. and so, we nv happen. feelings for *c had always been dangling at tat pt and i thought it had stayed dere but i was SO SO WRONG! i didnt know feelings for *c would be so strong now. making me go ga ga, silly and even crazy. but this again is an impossible relationship. for tat so many reasons tat i couldnt put in here (keke), i could only type tat *c is currently happily attached and i dun wanna break them up. i had juz been through tat phrase and i know it hurts da_mn lotsss. opps. anyway, i dun even know how *c feel bout me n wads *c intention is. *c always like a hi/bye fren to me. its so hard to contact *c unless ur lucky n *c will reply u with one or two msg. this had nv improved over the years n sometimes it seem meaningless to be a fren of *c. i mean here i m trying my hard to be *c fren once again but it seem like i couldnt. i didnt expect much frm *c cuz i know *c had her own life, own frens n own piority. i couldnt juz get into the pic n tinks tat im a super vip. so... since its juz like tat, den mayb, juz mayb, letting my feeling subside slowly would b the best choice. cuz all along, its juz my one sided feeling for *c.

and dere. my life had been only revolving around love n love only.

seriouly i dread life. exp life as cindy. sometimes i wonder wads gd bout me. looking at how fake i can get really disgust me and mayb i would tink im special. but den again if you look around. everyone around you is as fake as you are and you'll realise tat you not special. your juz trying to be normal, blending into this world. trying to be strong n wanting to be strong to move on n survive in the oh so cruel world was really tiring. im doin my best in life, in work and even in the oh so wonderful love but im not SUPERWOMAN. i juz wish i could fall, break and cry my eyes out. but back to reality, i cant. i couldnt even hv the guts to cry out loud. so wad can i do?

im afraid of being lonely. the feeling when no one is at home but only you. the feeling tat all your frens had frens they are gonna meet and your the only one who's left alone at home facing the walls. i hate this feeling and yet im so used to it. getting used to me n my game alone. now tat my bro's heading to israel, i guess ill b even lonelier. its not like a month or two oversea trip but NINE whole months for god's sake. though i could drive his car, i rather he's home with me. at least we could play game together. AIKz. this post sound like its getting depressing. alright enuff of all this. i juz hope my bro will b safe and well. n i do hope he could make it to my 21st pt. *prays*

alright alrdy! now i wan to type bout happy things. keke. my life had encountered many downs, but tat doesnt mean its always tat way. im glad a found a few nice n cool frens. though they might juz be a handful n they hv their own frens too, im still grateful tat i found them. dere was zhu zhu whom went through alot for me cuz of *d, mud mud for the many advice given, cbl n rin for trying to be dere though rin always MIA and lastly to carol, my ah ma, whom always hear me out n gives advice in everything u name it (frm *d to *e and even to *c and they are in alphapetic order). lol. I really appreciated u guys alot alot even if i din mention it. im not the kind who always throw my feelings out but i want u guys to know tat deep down, i really do care n appreciated each n everyone of u. for those frens i din mention, im happy i had u all too. each n everyone of u had came into my life n changed it little by little, even if its not as much as how these few frens of mine had done. all in all, i juz wanna say a big THANK YOU and I LOVE U ALL, be your a men or lady. so yupp. do cont to change my life okay. =)

okays! gtg liao. dad scolding alrdy. keke. nitey/morning guys. update again tmr morning after my work. hv a wonderful day.